Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are arrested in a South American country as subversives and sentenced to death in front of a firing squad.The brunette is led out and the capitan yells "Ready, aim..." and the brunette yells "TORNADO" and all the members of the firing squad look around and she jumps the fence and escapes.
The redhead is led out and the capitan yells "Ready, aim..." and the redhead yells "EARTHQUAKE!" and they all look around and she jumps the fence and escapes.
The blonde is led out and she is feeling really good because she's got this thing figured out.
The capitan yells "Ready, aim..." the blonde yells "FIRE!!"
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrrr, Gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiiiinnnnnnng.
A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm."The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"!
The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!
This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying sod across the street."
A blond woman named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto!
I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck. Once again, she prays...
"My God, why have you forsaken me??I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Babbette is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Babbette, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket!!!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together...
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
Subject: Y2K Blonde version Blonde secretary's memo to her boss:
TO: My Boss
From: Blondie
RE: Changing calendars from Y2KI hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me.
At any rate, I have finished the conversion. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distribute with the following new months:Januark
Februark
JulkI also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
SaturdakWe are now Y to K compliant.
Barbie went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over," said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch, That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts," she cried.
The doctor looked at Barbie thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why, yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger."
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