Day 1:
Just celebrated our 25th anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.Day 2:
Today he told me he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I DON'T know! I mean,give me a break! He's been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp!!Day 3:
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs you know! Sometimes I need something too! Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears!Day 4:
A miracle has happened!! There's an new drug on the market that will fix his "problem". It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He asked me if this time I would say HIS name at the "glorious moment".Day 5:
Oh what a glorious morning!! The sun is shining, the birds are singing. My needs have been fulfilled. Everything is perfect.Day 6:
Again?Day 7:
This Viagra thing is going to his head. (No pun intended.) Yesterday, at Burger King, the kid behind the counter asked him if he wanted a whopper. He told him, "No thanks. I've already got one."Day 8:
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new "friend" as a weed wacker.Day 9:
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with hard cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working anymore. What am I going to do?Day 10:
I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with Black and Decker.Day 11:
I wish he was gay. I've bought him 20 Liza Minelli albums and the Sweatin' to the Oldies tape and he keeps coming after me.Day 12:
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack!! It's like going to bed with a scud missile!Day 13:
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing works. I have started dressing like a nun. But he thinks it's kinky and, besides, penguins turn him on.Day 14:
I can't take it anymore. I think I'm going to have to kill him. I just worry about one thing--how will they ever get the lid to close on his casket??