PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Goes into your spellchecker and updates the word "Potatoe"
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Tries to have you removed as the rightful owner of the computer, even though everybody else wants you to be the owner.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
